Double Edged Sword
by RebbieChan
Summary: "People don't see the torment. They don't see the passion and the desire. They only see the mask that she wears like a double edged sword."  A character study of Riza Hawkeye. Royai.


**Double Edged Sword**

She knows what people think of her, and they think a lot of things. They think she is cold, unfeeling, a rock. They think they know it all.

And they are so wrong.

Her smile, small and tentative, breaks free from the mold. A mold only formed out of fear and necessity. She buries her face in the puppy's fur, causing him to jump back with excitement. Swiping at him playfully, he ducks and rolls onto his belly. She laughs as he quirks his head towards her, tongue rolling out. If only people could see her like this, her true self. She scratches his belly before rolling onto the floor and lifting him up above her.

"Who's a silly boy!"

Hayate barks, kicking and pawing at her arms.

"Not so tough up there, huh?"

She lowers him back into her arms, kissing the top of his head.

The thought occurs to her that maybe even _he_ doesn't know how much she treats the dog like a son. She know show things are, where she stands, and it's likely that the little guy will be the closest thing she will ever get.

She doubts he will ever admit it.

Her sigh doesn't go unnoticed. Hayate perks up his ears and nuzzles her cheeks.

She never doubts that she made the right choice, but she hadn't thought about the consequences when she made it.

She still loves the same man that she did when she was twelve years old. For sixteen years she has loved one man, never once considering another. They never so much as kissed nor uttered the word they both long to hear.

Her dreams consist of what it will be like once they can finally be together, of a love that is timeless, forever. Part of her tells herself over and over again how stupid it is to hold these fairytale ideals about love. Part of her tells herself that it's foolish not to.

Novel after novel, film after film, she imagines the characters as the two of them.

Yes, a fairytale romance in a far off land. Away from wars, corruption and greed. Lost in him, his love.

"If only, if only," she sighs.

In reality, her world is guns, uniforms, and blood.

Here, she is a killer, a sinner. Someone she never wanted to be. Here she hides away inside of herself, shuts down, destroying her dreams. The sounds of heavy boots clicking down pristine corridors or sloshing through gritty back streets. Seeing loss after every mission and after every time she looks in the mirror.

He's there. Always.

But he's never close.

A simple look means so much. A simple touch can end it.

Such a thin line, so bold carved in stone.

Feelings mean nothing on the battlefield.

So why dos the battlefield have to follow them everywhere?

Few people know, yet everyone does.

She's his bitch. Not a lover, not a friend, not a comrade. She chose to be over everything else. His little watchdog, keeping him on track, protecting him, giving everything to him.

She has nothing without him. She gave up her life to protect him so that her fairytale can come true, without that…what does she have to live for?

As if to remind her Hayate lets out a huff, blowing a few strands of hair in her eyes.

It reminds her of the boy.

He knows. Such a perceptive kid, he knew right from the start. She knows it's part of the reason the boy hates him so much. He thinks he's the cowardly one.

She's so afraid. The mask forms and bars her from injury. The mask forms and cuts her further.

People don't see the torment. They don't see the passion and the desire. They only see the mask that she wears like a double edged sword and assume they know all there is.

Laying on the hardwood floor of her tiny apartment and her heartbeat in tune with the warm puppy that lay on her chest, she feels as if she never wants to get up again.

How easy would that be? Her eyes close, the mask slips on once more, and she pulls herself up. Another day. Will her fairytale start today?

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** A Character study on Riza Hawkeye. I love her character so much, I love how detailed she is for not even being a main character. I imagine her as a hopeless romantic, crushed by the weights of reality and I hope I was able to convey that. Please review and tell me what you think!


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